I’m Lost.

I just sort of realized this today. like deeply realized. I am scared.

When I think of my future, and what I want to do, I get nothing. I can not see myself with a future. I cant see myself doing any sort of career for the next how many years. Its not like I have something I really want to be, but its inaccessible, I just really don’t know what I want to be. During high school I would listen to some of my friends problems, and give them advice. So, I took psychology. But that’s a lot of scientific stuff that I really am not interested in. Plus, when I think of listening to strangers, and giving them advice and stuff, there’s a lot riding on what you say. I’ve thought of many other things. Being a paramedic, or police officer, but I am not level-headed enough to be put into situations like that. A manager of something, but I am a bad decision maker. Working at a bank, or office, but I think I would get tired of that after 5 years. Being and artist, or actress, but I’m nowhere near talented enough. And many other things.

What brings this on, is that I am being constantly reminded that life is moving on. There are people my age with, and having children, getting married and finishing their education. My cousin in 25 and she has a family of her own already, and I am 20, and have never been kissed. My friend is graduating university this year, and another just got into Med School (both of which I’m very happy for), and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do at ALL. I am also constantly asked what I am going to school for. Right now, its business, but I’m not sure that’s where I should be.

And I know, i’m not the only one who has no idea. Its just very frustrating trying to figure this all out. I would like to be a business owner in a small town, like a bar or a restaurant, but I’m not sure I could do that. I would love to travel and take pictures and meet people, but I don’t have the resources to do that. And that’s not something you can spend the rest of your life doing. Plus, photography is becoming more of a hobby that lots of people do, and less of a career. I dont want to work at Tim Hortons for the rest of my liiiiiife.

I’m scared. Petrified. Worried. Lost.

2 days ago  /  0 notes